I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
