1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
