96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
