White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
