You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
