What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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