Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
