i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
