I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
