fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
