i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
