I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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