I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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