I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
