I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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