their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
