Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
