i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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