I can text with my tongue
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
