Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
