yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
