so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Success! We fucked roommates!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
