I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
