I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
