Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
