The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
