all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
