Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
