A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
