Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
