You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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