new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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