So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
