I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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