I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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