the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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