Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
