the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
