yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
