you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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