Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's always time for handjobs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
