When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
