I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
