What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
