arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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