went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
