he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
