none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
