Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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