I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
