White coat. Heels.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
