i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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