y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they need to just BURY HIM!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
