i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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